Maybe This Time
by AtlantisJoeFan
Summary: She knew from the moment she saw him that she was in deep trouble. Some romance for John, finally. Established character and O/C


When someone arrives in Atlantis that has as troubled a background as he does, maybe, just maybe, there might be some romance for John!

**Chapter 1 – First Impressions**

She could not believe her luck. Atlantis was everything she had imagined and more: its walls glistened with a translucent emerald green and the gentle sound of trickling water met her at every corner. She felt as though she had finally come home. Maybe it was that she could hear the city humming gently to her, the welcoming warmth caressing her at all times. Maybe it was the unused to feeling of belonging. Maybe it was simply that she had landed the most perfect job in the most perfect place, much to her continuing amazement.

Doctor Catherine Adams, Cat to her friends, had worked in the Stargate program since the first discovery of the gate, firstly as a researcher, finally becoming its chief archivist and expert in all things Ancient. When asked, she would simply say that she was a glorified librarian, but in truth she was much more. Her ability to use Ancient technology had been discovered, though, only after the Atlantis expedition had set off five years ago, as had the strength of the gene she carried. She always liked to think that she might have been considered one of 'the brightest and the best' to have joined the original task force, especially given the strength of the gene and her ability to activate anything Ancient with so little effort. It was only when Richard Woolsey became commander of Atlantis, that the stockpile of artefacts and writings was discovered and she was appointed to sort out the mess.

So, here she was. She thought back to a few hours ago, when she came through the gate and first saw, felt and heard Atlantis. And how, for the first time, she regretted the careful image that she had created for herself. She had learned long ago that she could hide behind others' perceptions of who she ought to be: stuffy, old-fashioned, straight-laced, a spinster, geeky. Quite often, people never even bothered to look more closely once they discovered what she did for a living and that was usually fine with her. At nearly 40, her blonde hair had a few white strands, though not nearly as noticeable as she imagined, and she knew that she was pretty in an English rose kind of way, with blue eyes and a jaw that expressed determination and strength. People were often amazed to discover that she loved to run, though she rarely wore clothes that showed off the toned lines of her body. When she smiled, which was not too often these days, she could light up the room. All this served her well for those times when being alone was not enough and she rarely had any problem finding male company, with no strings attached. However, when she put on her uniform, took off her makeup and the smile and pinned back her hair, she became almost invisible.

Thoughts of male company, reminded her of what had most drawn her eyes as she walked through the gate. She had, of course, heard of his reputation, but did not expect the beauty of the man who greeted her. Warm, hazel eyes had met hers as he smiled and shook her hand and she felt a shiver of warmth tingle her spine. He seemed to be almost perfectly formed, thin but not skinny, with muscular fore-arms covered with a soft fur of dark hair and she found herself drifting into erotic imaginings about other skin on this body. True, his dark hair stood up at impossible angles but this only added to the 'just got out of bed and wouldn't mind getting back into it' look that bordered on the rakish. And, when he spoke his gentle voice seemed to almost caress her. Yes, Colonel John Sheppard was all and more than she had heard and she knew that she was in trouble, not because he was 'hitting' on her because she felt quite sure that he could not see behind her carefully crafted shell and for the first time in a while she regretted the choices that she had made.

**Chapter 2 – Second Impressions**

'Hi!'

The voice made her jump**. **She was attempting to catalogue a damp and yellowing pile of documents, recovered from a planet that had recently been culled by the Wraith.

'Sorry. Didn't mean to make you jump.' She met a laughing pair of hazel eyes and inwardly cringed. Over the last 2 weeks, she had bumped into John Sheppard several times, although she was certain that he had taken very little notice of her, and she was developing an unhealthy crush on the dashing colonel. He had the ability to turn her into a stuttering school girl again and she wished she had seen him coming so that she could have had more time to prepare.

'Oh, hello Colonel. What can I do for you?' she replied, hoping that her voice sounded steadier than it felt.

'Thought it was about time I came down to personally welcome you. Would have come before, but things have been a bit hectic. It's about time we did something about all this stuff. McKay loves to bring it back but we've never really thought what to do with it beyond dumping it in an unceremonious heap.'

In her short time on Atlantis, she had already heard much about the difficult scientist and the strange bond he had developed with the military man. McKay had the reputation of being arrogant and difficult and she found it hard to imagine what the two had in common. Yet another something she would like to know more about, to do with the man sitting casually and oh so sexually on the table next to her. Her mind drifted again, as her eye took in the form of his body. Involuntarily, the image of a naked John Sheppard, ready to welcome her in other more intimate ways, superimposed itself on the reality before her and she turned her eyes away from him so that he couldn't see her pupils dilate.

'We're having a meet and greet for all the newbies in the refectory this evening. Just a few drinks and nibbles to say 'hi' and welcome to The Pegasus Galaxy. Seven o'clock. See you there?'

Her mind drifted again at the thought of 'nibbles' , before she controlled herself and agreed that she would see him there. As he left, with a cheery 'see ya later', she watched his lazy stride and his very appealing rear disappear down the corridor. Well, she knew that her first impression of him had only been reinforced by this close encounter, but she doubted that his had changed.

**Chapter 3 – Third Time Lucky?**

She saw him straight away. Taller than most, apart from the strange man with dreadlocks standing next to him, his charm seemed to radiate from him and he had already attracted a small crowd of admirers. From her vantage point at the top of the stairs, she could see the top of his head and the hair that seemed even more outrageous than usual. She had noticed that sometimes it stuck up in an almost cartoon-like way, as though he'd had some kind of shock. She was about to back away from the unused to noise and bustle, when he turned, looked up at her and smiled a welcome

'Oh well. Here goes nothing', she thought as she gathered her courage. Cat was not very good at these kinds of social occasions and meeting people was always awkward and difficult. She supposed that being an only child probably had something to do with it, not to mention all the other crap she'd had to put up with at home. 'No, not going there anymore. C'mon Cat, you can do this.' At the bottom of the steps, she hesitated then ploughed on through the crowd to where she remembered the bar was.

'There you are. Come and meet some friends,' and a firm hand gently steered her towards a small group.

'Teyla, Ronon and Rodney, meet Doctor Catherine Adams, our new librarian.'

There it was. Librarian. She only had herself to blame, but she didn't have to look in their eyes to know what judgements they had already made about her. This was the 'A' team, the famous SGA1, reputed to be the most successful, if the most unlikely, team on Atlantis if not the whole Stargate program. Teyla Emmagan, the tiny Athosian woman held out a hand and shook hers warmly, with a sweet and friendly smile. Cat wondered if this was a possible friend and ally. The tall man, who she now realised was the infamous Ronon Dex, grunted a brief 'hello' which she supposed was about as friendly as he got.

Dr Rodney Mckay grinned at her through slightly lopsided and thin lips, launching into an 'about time we had someone to look after all the valuables that I have brought back from planets because they could be useful in the future although nobody ever listens to me especially Sheppard' tirade, before taking her hand and shaking it. She thought she noticed a more fervent attempt to make eye contact with her, and her suspicions were confirmed when she was unable to lose him from her side for the rest of the evening. John had smiled, but quickly left to talk to more of the newbies, and she had been left with Rodney, who was apparently determined to make an impression on her. He talked ten to the dozen, much of which went over her head, but he appeared to assume that having 'doctor' in front of her name meant that she was some kind of scientific expert. She couldn't help but smile at the irony of it. Once again it appeared that she was more the type of the geek than the soldier.

Stuck in a corner, with Rodney, occasionally she looked out for him and managed to catch a glimpse of a dark head of messy hair or the gentle voice drifting over the harsh noise of the crowd, but he gave no sign of looking her way. Still, she didn't really expect anything else, but in her imagination she shrugged off the boredom by imagining him as her knight in shining armour, rescuing her from the clutches of the evil doctor. Clichéd, she knew, but hell, why not? Then, as the crowds began to disperse, she glanced at him one more time only to catch him looking intently at her, with a strange smile on his face and she thought he might finally come over and talk to her. Just at that moment, he put his hand to his ear, frowned and the moment was gone as he hurriedly left the room.

**Chapter 4 – Go Fourth and Wonder.**

Cat was rather amazed to be 'off-world', although she found the phrase amusing given that being on Atlantis was as 'off-world' as you could be! She had received a hurried request from Woolsey to join Colonel Sheppard's team on a routine visit to New Athos. The Athosians had discovered some interesting ruins and there were some Ancient artefacts to be retrieved. She couldn't really see why now, more than any other mission, her presence had been requested, but rather assumed that McKay had something to do with it. Since the party, she hadn't been able to shake him off and had stopped going to the refectory altogether, in case she bumped into him. Quite frankly, she was astonished that he failed to recognise the negative signals she was very deliberately giving off. Unfortunately, his tenacity meant that she was unable to spend any time talking to the Colonel, so was reduced to her usual gazing from afar.

Ten tiring and uneventful hours later, the team headed back to the 'gate. It was late and the suns were beginning to set over the sky of New Athos, bathing the landscape in a golden glow. Ahead, a crystal lake shimmered and reflected the beauty of the sky and to one side, the forest stretched out into the growing darkness as from a fairy-tale landscape. Suddenly, a high-keening noise erupted from the depths.

'Okay, guys, I don't like the sound of that and I don't particularly want to end up as the meal of some delinquent, hairy, alien monster. Let's pick up the pace a bit. McKay – help the Doctor with the artefacts please and head back to the 'gate. Ronon, with me. Teyla, take the six.' Colonel Sheppard's posture went from lazily relaxed to taught and alert as he and Ronon led the way back to the 'gate.

They were within sight safety, when Cat caught a glimpse of something big, moving quickly to her left, but before she had a chance to shout out she was violently toppled to the ground. Hot rancid breath and saliva dripped onto her face from sharp and yellow teeth bared, ready to pierce flesh. A heavy weight was pressed against her chest , just as she felt a searing pain in her left shoulder and she began to lose consciousness. She couldn't breathe and she thought she was dying. In the haze she heard a shout and a loud blast, followed by the repeated sounds of machine gun fire and then, as suddenly as it has begun, she inhaled and was able to breathe again.

She heard a voice which seemed to be miles away. 'Cat, Cat, are you alright? Rodney, dial the damn gate! Ronon, help me here, please? Rodney, tell them we have a medical emergency'. She was vaguely aware of strong arms lifting her up and running with her, then the whoosh of the gate and the clunk as it shut down behind her.

'Cat. Can you hear me? You're safe on Atlantis and the doc will look after you. You're going to be alright'. She opened her eyes enough to see a pair of very anxious and familiar hazel eyes staring at her and before she lost consciousness again she was aware of two things. He had called her 'Cat' and the tone of his voice suggested real concern.

**Chapter 5 – Five Visitors**

Cat woke to the smell of disinfectant and the metallic shine of the infirmary walls. Vague memories of what had happened stirred, but mostly the last thing she had seen before she awoke here. How did he know her nickname? Was he worried simply as the CO or was it more? Had she been hallucinating? A voice trickled into her consciousness.

'Hello, Catherine. How do you feel?' asked Doctor Keller.

'Um, do you want the polite version or the unexpurgated one,' Cat answered in a rather sharper tone that she had intended.

'Either will do, Doctor!' was the amused response.

'My chest hurts, my shoulder hurts and my head hurts. Other than that I'm fine'.

Cat heard a chuckle to her left and looked up to find a rather more ruffled than usual Colonel smiling down at her.

'Well, Colonel. It seems as though the good Doctor's spent too much time in your company in the last 24 hours', Keller teased him. 'She's already learnt your catch phrase.'

'I can't help it if I am a role model here on Atlantis', he laughed. 'It's good to see you awake and fighting Doctor Adams. We'll have you up and about and cataloguing again in no time!' He smiled broadly, raising his hand in a wave as he left the ward.

Cat winced at his return to a more formal way of addressing her and the reference to her 'cataloguing' only served to remind her further. She needed to stop imagining more than was possible with him. He only used her nickname because he knew that the moment needed a personal touch. She knew that this would be part of his leadership skills – how to talk to people, to encourage them, to help them – and no more. She vowed at that moment to put a stop to this ridiculous crush now, before she was hurt.

In the next 24 hours, she had a string of visitors, and the attention took some getting used to for someone who had become so used to being alone. Teyla arrived, all gentleness and smiles, with a bowl of Athosian soup and apologies about how bad she was at cooking it. Cat and she talked for what seemed like hours and Cat realised that her first instinct at the 'Newbie meet and greet' could well have been right. Here was someone that she might be able to call a friend, and that was a new experience for her. Teyla left, with a promise that she would teach her some self-defence moves once she was better. Next came Rodney. As ever, he talked about himself, his achievements, his appetite and complained about someone called Zelenka, but she began to appreciate his company and suspected that there was probably a depth beneath the brash and arrogant surface that she had failed to see before. He left, promising to bring the chess board next time he visited and she found herself quite looking forward to that. Then, Ronan rather awkwardly arrived. Since he had barely said more than half a dozen words to her in the 6 months she had been on Atlantis, she wondered what he wanted, but he muttered something like 'glad to see you're okay', shook her hand and left. Finally, Woolsey came. Cat had had very little to do with him since she arrived and she rather suspected that he lacked certain 'people skills'. However, she was aware of the growing admiration for him in Atlantis and had heard some stories about how he had recently managed to save the team and the city by using his diplomatic skills. He politely asked after her welfare and said that he hoped she would be up and about soon.

Cat had the feeling that something had shifted inside her. She was thinking about friendship and having friends in ways she never had. It seemed that she might well have found a place she could call home, where people care what happens to you. And, she was not going to carry on obsessing about a certain Lieutenant Colonel with beautiful eyes and a rakish grin. No, she was not!

**Chapter 6 – Of 6 packs**

It was a pleasure to feel free of pain and stiffness, although her training sessions with Teyla were not entirely without pain! The best was the time she and Teyla spent talking and chatting and she was now able to consider her a friend, even a close friend. They had more in common than she had imagined. Teyla was tough on the outside, and hid behind a necessary shell, but on the inside she was as human, and as 'girly', as any other woman. Cat joined in with the girls' nights, chick flicks, chocolate and gossip in the rec room, and felt as though she belonged in a group of people. It felt strange, but entirely right. She joined Rodney for his 'chess' nights, and was relieved that he had clearly decided that she was not his type after all. Sometimes, she caught him looking at her strangely, but she couldn't read what he was thinking. She even joined in with the quiz nights, enjoying the company and the beer that someone always managed to provide. She rather suspected the beer was John Sheppard's doing! While he was never there to enjoy it, that would be typical of the man, and she had heard a rumour that he had his own stocks in a fridge in his quarters.

She hadn't seen much of John, 'call me John' he had asked the last time he checked on her in the infirmary, and she was relieved and disappointed in equal measure. Once, he had put his head round the door when she was working out with Teyla, but she was puzzled when he made a hasty retreat. Another time, she was out for her morning run, when she almost ran into him coming the other way. He greeted her with a terse 'morning' then headed off rapidly in the opposite direction. Another time, he personally delivered a box of heavy and recently retrieved artefact s to her office, seemed as though he were about to say something, but merely grunted in response to her 'Thanks, John'. Cat couldn't think what, if anything, she had done to offend him and was disappointed that, of all the team, his was the friendship which she seemed least likely to have. She would have gladly put up with just friendship: at least, she would have seen more of him. Her initial crush had developed into something much more deeply rooted, although she had yet to admit to herself how deep, and she felt the need to be near him if nothing else. Still, he had apparently decided that she was not worth spending time with and for a long time she decided to accept it.

It was a passing comment that changed her mind. She had wondered why she hadn't been asked to join an away team since the disastrous visit to New Athos, especially since she was now much better at defending herself, thanks to Teyla and even to Ronon, who had started to take her through some hand-to-hand combat moves. And, there was clearly a need, because there had already been some failed retrieval missions, where valuable artefacts and documents had been left behind, unrecognised by inexpert team members. It was only when Lorne described a document with ancient hieroglyphs and 'strange' geometrical shapes that had been left on a planet that she realised that she was sometimes needed on the ground. As a natural gene carrier, she was also able to activate artefacts and quickly assess their importance. She was fitter that she had ever been, running for a least an hour every day, in the early hours of the beautiful Atlantis morning. Finally, she decided to ask Teyla, who said that she was sure that it wasn't personal, but that the Colonel seemed to think that she needed more combat training before joining another mission. By combat training, it appeared that he meant fire-arms.

One morning, after her run, she decided to take her courage in both hands and knocked on John Sheppard's door. She felt certain that he would be awake given the times she had seen him out running in the mornings and was relieved when the door whooshed open, because she wasn't sure if she could pluck up the nerve to knock again.

'Good morning, Col...John,' she stuttered, but carried on quickly, determined to say what she needed to as quickly as possible. 'I think that it's about time that I was allowed to go off-world again. I've been training with Teyla and Ronan and would like to think that I am becoming quite proficient with Bantos sticks. I know that I don't have any experience with guns though and.....I wondered if you might consider training me. I,,,I just feel like it needs to be someone I trust and I know...a little anyway. I really think that my being out there could make a difference to how and what the expedition knows about this galaxy.'

She waited for his response, fully expecting him to suggest that Lorne or someone else should take responsibility for her training, or to refuse her outright, but a smile slowly crept across his handsome features, a smile she thought she wouldn't see aimed in her direction again.

'Okay. I think that would be a good idea. Why don't you meet me in the fire-arms room at 7:30 this evening? We'll see what we can do then.'

With a small sigh of relief, she returned his smile. 'See you then,' she replied and turned to walk away, but feeling his eyes on her back she turned. He quickly wiped an indecipherable look off his face, and the more familiar scowl returned as turned his back on her and strode back into his room.

'Well, what was that about?' she thought.

**Chapter 7 – Lucky for Some**

7:20 p.m. Cat was almost beside herself with excitement, a knot in her stomach reminding her of how much she looked forward to Christmasses, although she sincerely hoped that she would not be as disappointed with the outcome of the next hour or so. What was she hoping for? She told herself, that all she wanted was his friendship, to be a part of the Atlantis team. She was fed up with being avoided, growled and scowled at. Teyla, Ronon and even Rodney were becoming close friends and she wanted him to be too. She refused to accept that she could possibly have any other motives for this evening. Yes, friendship would do.

Yet, she couldn't help but fuss about what to wear. She didn't think that she had cared so much about her appearance in a long time. How could you look good in jogging pants and top? She applied a bit of make-up, put her hair-up, down and then up again, looked in the mirror and was reasonably pleased with what she saw. Looking in a mirror, other than a cursory glance, was not a habit she was used to, and she was slightly surprised at the attractiveness of the woman who stood looking back at her. Not bad, for a middle-aged librarian! Still, Rodney had told her that John's ideal woman was small, brunette and slight and she was not really any of these things. She had always been curvy, though not fat, and her blonde hair appeared to lighten as she got older. Okay for attracting middle-aged geeks, but not really in the flyboy's little black book, she suspected.

The lights were already on in the training room. John was standing by the shooting range, placing a series of guns on the table in front of him, but didn't seem to hear her enter. She stood for a moment admiring his strong back and the outline of muscles through the soft fabric of his sweat shirt. She coughed loudly and he jumped, then tried to cover up with a shrug of his shoulders and a light smile.

'Hi, Cat. Glad you could make it. Shall we get started?'

'Okay, but I'm a little nervous. I haven't even handled a gun before, let alone fired one. Where I come from, we don't really see many guns.'

She walked over to him and looked down at the killing machines laid out in front of her. 'Oh, well, in for a penny, in for a pound,' she thought, 'no backing out now.'

John paused for a moment. 'You know, I've never really thought about that. In America, most people have some experience of fire-arms, but I guess it's different in England'. He palmed a small hand gun and beckoned her closer, carefully showing her how to load it and explaining how to be safe. Then, putting on the ear guards and handing her a pair, he aimed the gun at the target and fired, hitting dead central.

'Now, it's your turn', he said, handing her the gun. 'Come here and stand in front of me.'

Cat felt the soft weight of his body behind hers and his warm breath on her neck and wondered how the hell she was going to hit any targets so distracted. Just then, he put both his arms around her and showed her how to hold the gun, grasping her hands firmly, but gently beneath his much larger hands.

'Now, hold it firmly. You don't want to squeeze the trigger too hard, or the gun might fire too soon and go off in the wrong direction. That's it, now squeeze the trigger gently and.....fire...'

She felt the power of the weapon between her hands as the gun fired, the bullet just about hitting the target but more than that she didn't want the moment to end. The feel of him, his strength and softness, his voice, oh his voice, and his strong hands on hers, let alone all the thoughts that had flashed through her brain about weapons and squeezing and hardness were enough to make a girl faint and her knees certainly felt weak and her legs like jelly. At first, she didn't realise that he wasn't letting go, but had quietly put the safety back on the gun, still holding it in front of them. They were so close, that she wondered if she could really feel the tension in his body, if she was imagining the excitement building in him. All doubts were dispelled when he leant forward and kissed the back of her neck and she melted further into his arms as he softly murmured her name. She turned around, only to meet a dark and lust filled pair of eyes, telling her all that she needed to know. He wanted her as much as she wanted him, and she would grasp this moment even if it were their only time.

She had hardly noticed him place the gun back on the table, as his hands reached up inside her jogging top, cupping her breasts. She took one last look into his eyes before his beautiful soft mouth gently at first, then hotly kissed her.

'Oh, my God Cat, you've no idea how long I have been wanting this. You are so beautiful,' and he kissed her again, this time exploring her mouth with his tongue. 'Come on, let me show you something.'

Briefly disappointed, she let him take her along the corridor then out onto the east pier. In one corner, there were two large cushions, a bottle of wine and two glasses.

'Wha...' she exclaimed, as he looked rather sheepishly at her.

'Well, a guy has to be prepared,' he laughed, as he took her in his arms again. This time, he gently let his hands stroke down her back and below her waistband as she allowed hers to feel the hardness and smoothness of this back and stomach. Kissing her passionately, they fell together onto the cushions, somehow shedding their clothing as they went and somewhere in the wooliness of her brain she laughed at the thought that jogging pants were not such a bad idea.

**Chapter 8 – The Final Chapter**

The two moons above Atlantis seemed to glow and shine directly on the couple, lying intertwined on the pier, bathing them in a soft light. The more romantic might say that Atlantis enjoyed two of her beloved children, finding each other. All night, they kissed, made love, dozed and laughed and talked, finding a peace and a comfort in each other, that neither had had before. When the suns finally rose, they reluctantly rose, ready to return to the day, both feeling much more able to face whatever was ahead.

Over the next few weeks, John and Cat found time to talk, to explain, to get to know each other. John admitted that he had been attracted to her the moment his eyes met hers as she came through the Stargate, surprising himself because she was not what he usually considered to be his 'type'. He had quickly found out as much about her as he could, before visiting her in her office and asking her to come to the newbie meet and greet, fully intending to find time to get to know her better. However, when he saw Rodney showing an interest, and knowing that she was much more Rodney's 'type' he decided to leave it at that and let his friend find someone. At the meet and greet, he watched them together most of the evening and had just about decided to speak to her when he got a message from Woolsey about the meeting with a new federation of planets and had to leave the party. In any case, he didn't feel as though there was room in his life for a 'relationship'. Sex was one thing, but he already knew that if this was to begin with her, it would be much more. It wasn't until she was injured on New Athos that he allowed himself to admit how he was beginning to feel and he told her that he had stayed with her in the infirmary until she woke up, desperate to make sure that she was alright. Rodney had also come to visit her and, unusually for him, he saw something in John that he had not seen before. He had already worked out that Cat wasn't interested in him and now he knew why.

Over the weeks and months after she had recovered, he continued to fight with himself. On the one hand, he desperately wanted her and on the other he felt that 'they' might compromise his position and as Elizabeth had once said, split his focus. He made excuses to see her, such as delivering the box of artefacts, then quickly wished he hadn't. He watched her training with Teyla, feeling like a stalker, on more than one occasion, finally being caught out. He ran in the mornings hoping to run into her, but not really knowing what he would do if he did. He had hidden round corners and watched her run by on more than one occasion, admiring the firm contours of her body , trying not to think too much about what he would like to be doing to it and heading back for a cold shower (she kicked him when he told her this, then showed him a better way to relieve his tension than a cold shower!). Finally, when he opened his door to find the object of _his_ fantasies standing there, in the jogging pants and top he so loved watching her run in, he gave way to it and decided to see where events might take him. Never, he said, did he believe that it would end as perfectly as it did. Holding her in his arms that night, he knew that he could not let her go, knew that he had never felt like this before and probably would never again, and he took his chance. When she teased him about the wine and the cushions, he just said that the imagined the best possible outcome and prepared for it.

Cat also told him her story and more. Some things about her childhood she had never told anyone and he confided in her too. They found a mutual understanding and a deep love, perhaps deeper because of the mutual connection with Atlantis that they both felt. They both knew that the future was a lottery, but for now they had each other. And, for the first time in her life Cat was surrounded by good friends. A family.


End file.
